By Leonard Kamugisha Akida
PARENTING
I had heard a neighbour and some elders talk about it but, it was confusing me as a small child to understand that situation fully. My adopted Mom was my Mom to me and remains so till this day. I had a complicated childhood as she later on disclosed to me, but I still survived it well, narrates anonymous source as written by Parrots UG’s Leonard Kamugisha Akida.
When I was in P.3, I accidentally stumbled upon a conversation by my fellow children in a spiteful talk about me saying I was a non-native, an alien and not a Sogi. I didn’t take it serious because I was a little girl.
Time passed and during my A’level studies, I felt sudden illnesses that I nearly dropped out of school. The school management decided to send me home for further treatments and home care nursing services. For the rest of my life, I have not been a rural schools girl, my Mom kept me in far distant urban schools may be she wanted to keep me safe or she wanted to hide me from discovering some secrets about my birth. We all are aware that its only natural that our parents hide things from us. Either way, Mom had some skeletons in her closet.
After I felt sick, I decided to be volunteering at a neighbouring health facility, it’s here that another story about my identity broke. A female patient I no longer recall approached me and told me that a woman I called my mom was actually not my biological mom, thanking her for taking care of me and educating me. It was down right shocking. I felt I lost my identity. I never imagined it was true because my mom was a woman I had for long called mom and she gave me a motherly love than anyone could ever imagine.
Lost in wondering and contemplations, the woman (patient) stared at me for a long time and asked me to ask my Mom about the story.
“My mother had outrageously kept it a secret that my biological mother had wanted to kill me inside her womb in a procured abortion after she took herbal medicines in Mbarara and came to hide at her sister’s place in Busoga after she got pregnancy complications,” source narrates
Coincidently, as I made my way from the health centre, I encountered a group of elders, knelt down and greeted them. It is a culture in Busoga to kneel down when greeting the elders. They replied and I got up to continue with my journey back home after a long thoughtful working day. I was in the distance when I heard them speaking at my back that I was my mother’s adopted child and that my real mother was a Rwandese. One of the women commented in Lusoga; “Abana bebasula bafuuka bamugaso”, literary meaning that abandoned children eventually become important people and good members of the society. This was a third time I heard of my birth story but still could not accept.
My walking started getting slower as an aging man and I became emotionally suppressed. I had more repressive emotions than never before. I became so nervous to ask my mom about this story because she had always kept it her secret and would avoid talking about it.
One day, as I talked to my neighbours, they again told me that a woman I had for long considered to be my mom was surprisingly not! The next day, I asked my classmate and a teacher with whom we shared same village and my classmate admitted she had heard of the old tales about my birth but she could not confirm whether it was true or mere heresy, neither did my teacher admit nor deny having having had any clues of my birt, but, promised he would find out.
This haunted me alot and I was psychologically tortured. It was towards my UACE exams. You can imagine how I was mentally affected alongside the examination pressures. I was overshadowed and woundered, unfortunately, I was so nervous to ask.
In my final year at a university, I became so bravery, resilient and got the confidence to ask my mom if it’s true I was not her biological daughter. Whether a wild imagination or instincts fuelled this confidence, it was validated when mom sat me down and offered to talk and told me the truth.
For the first in life I saw mom crying tears rolling down her cheeks in uncontrolled flow using her right hand palm to wipe them away. I also wept, began shivering after seeing mom crying because of me. Dreadfully, I regretted to myself asking my mom about something she had protected from me. But, it was haunting me since childhood. I woundered what could have triggered tears from her and inwardly accused myself of choosing to seek the truth.
Mom stood up from her place and hugged me tightly apologizing to me for hiding the truth from me.
“I am not your biological mother, but you are my child and I love you so much. I am sorry,” she apologized after taking a deep breathe
● I found out my mother was my adopted mother at a university
She went on explaining how my mom and my aunt had procured abortions to kill me inside my mother’s womb but failed
“In 1995, A neighbour (name withheld) brought her sister at my clinic to aid in abortion but I refused. Afterwards, some people directed them to another doctor in Iganga district known of aiding in abortion, but this also failed to work out after another dosage of medicines and the herbal medicines,” mom explained
Furthermore, she told me how my biological mom had prescribed herbal medicines in western Uganda attempting to abort me but failed and she then rushed to her sister after experiencing pregnancy complications.
Few days after returning from Iganga, mom added, “now for a third time of failed abortion, your mom had a forced abortion at the sixth month because of the medicines she had taken. You came out alive and they asked me to asked me to dip you into a basin full of cold water or dump you into a pit latrine or bury you alive.”
“I assured them of doing per their request but I did not kill you,” mom said
Alternatively, she adopted me after she had struggled for 15 years to fall pregnant naturally. Mom broke down in tears explaining to me how she incubated me in cotton wools for 3 months feeding me on water while she hid me from any dangers. She said for the first two days on earth, I did not cry as any baby born under normal conditions would do.
At my nineth month, mom decided to have inducing lactation to stimulate milk supply and started breastfeeding me so that I lived.
As luck would have it, she took me to an indigenous pastor who encouraged her to adopt me as her own child and never to give me out to anybody or even babies homes. The pastor according to mom told her that I was a couple’s God – sent child in whom she would conceive.
Seven years down the road, mom conceived and gave birth to a child of her own womb. As she disclosed to me my birth story, mom kept on emphasizing that it was me that blessed her womb to conceive and confessed her love of me. No doubt, I have lived to witness that!
No regrets
I don’t regret being brought up as an adopted child and I have never felt I am an odd or don’t fit in this home. My love for my mom multiplied when she opened up to me about my birth because its only what I wanted to know.
Nonetheless, as a girl-child, I don’t blame my biological mother for some decisions she made because as a woman, I have experienced some of these things happening. I only accuse her of why she would prefer to my death even after three failed abortion trials. I pray for her good healthy if she is still alive, God should protect her and I already forgiven her.
My Dad has since after my graduation surfaced and he claims that he never had any knowledge of my mother attempting to abort. He says that mom had deceived him that she had a miscarriage due to malaria when he returned to western uganda without pregnancy. This later turned out to be falsehood after he was directed to where my aunt lived and that’s how he discovered me.
Although the English say that blood is thicker than water, for all my life, my adopted mom has been both a mom and dad to me. She has provided us her children with the best education and basic needs, parental love that any child would love receiving from their parents.
“I am praying for God’s providence to take good care of my mom and my sister because she gave me another life that nobody else could. I know, I cannot repay all that you sacrificed to see me survive. You accepted me as your child when you had none; your big heart will one day get rewarded – God on our side,” said source.
Because of mom’s love, I have been able to know that there’s a hope and I am sharing this story to restore hopes to millions of souls who are going through hardships that God has neither rejected nor abandoned you. The Lord who made me survive at 6 months without incubators, the same God is powerful to change your situation.
I strongly believe that this message will touch and heal million young mothers to raise their babies than committing abortions, dumping them in trenches, pit latrines or even abandoning their children. It’s a message to the ears of fathers to stop neglecting their families and to the young men not to run away from the girls they impregnate.
The source is a Ugandan born again christian, journalist based in Kampala. To connect with her; contact PARROTS UG [parrotsug@gmail.com]
