SATIRE
In a country where the extended family tree grows faster than the national debt,I asked an old man for advice on how to survive the constant financial demands from relatives. And this is what he told me.
““Get married. When they call for money, tell them, ‘Ah, I no longer handle finances anymore. Call my wife.’ Trust me, they’ll never call again. That’s how you survive the parasites.”
I finally discovered the secret to financial peace: marriage.
Yes, according to the sage of survival, if you want to stop your relatives from asking for money every end of month, beginning of school term, wedding bells are the solution. Forget about budgeting apps, financial advisors, or prayer, just find a spouse.
“When they call,” the old man emphasized, “tell them, I don’t handle finances anymore, call my wife.” Like mosquitoes sensing mosquito coil, the relatives will vanish into thin air. Not even a ‘please call me’ will follow.
It seems marriage, once considered a union of love and companionship, has evolved into an anti-parasitic investment plan. The vows have shifted from “for better or worse” to “for peace from relatives and financial freedom.”
Of course, there are risks. The plan can backfire if the wife turns out to be more generous than you, or worse, starts borrowing from your relatives on your behalf. But for the brave men who have tried it, the results are miraculous.
The old man again told me, “Before marriage, my cousins used to call me every Friday. Now, they just wave when they see me at a funeral.”
In a world of economic uncertainty, maybe the Ministry of Finance should consider including marriage in the next national poverty eradication strategy. Forget cash transfers, just transfer the calls to your wife.
Because in the end, as the old man said with a grin, “That’s how you survive the parasites.” 😅
